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Near Lake Merritt
September 18th, 1999

Still In The Dish
I have no idea how the sleep study went. The technician was clear she wasn't allowed to give me the results, they'd come when I met with the doctor later this month. The American medical machine in action: They tell you what they want when they want and you'd better keep your mouth and your manners.

The technician asked me (essentially) as she was wiring me up if I were married or living with someone (who could tell me if I was snoring) and I told her I wasn't, she responding somewhat bitterly that I was very sensible. She, a young woman in her late twenties, attractive, clearly competent, said she was single and celibate by choice. I didn't ask if this was a religious issue or something she'd decided on her own (fill in the ugly assumptions).

It seemed a lot of bitterness for someone so young, but who knows, this can be a cruel world. The Solano Stroll parade Maybe I caught her on a bad day, in the middle of a divorce, at the end of a relationship, but the underlying anger in her voice made me think this had been her reality for a long time. The only thing I might have said on the subject, had she asked, had I thought to pontificate, was that over time when I looked back on my own life for the reasons I was single, I realized I'd been the one to choose unstable relationships, choose relationships that wouldn't last, running at the first hint of a one that could, always, however, choosing women of good heart who treated me as best they were able. No bitterness. More than a little amusement. I can't tell you why I did that, I'm not sure it matters, I can only tell you that's what I did and it didn't have anything to do with women in general or any one woman in particular. This lady was young and bitter and, I assume, for good reason, although life doesn't award its gold stars for having good reasons.

I wonder if my "more than a little amusement" covers up something I'm not admitting? I'll have to think about that (but not today, there's an Italian Festival going on in Jack London Square). Perhaps I have more anger inside than I know and this dribble on forever nice guy stuff is just a mask, not only for the world but for myself. I doubt it. You don't have to be angry to be self destructive. You can buy the kit (Self Destruct in Four Hours: No assembly required.) for $4.95 at any authorized outlet.

Got out of the hospital around 6:00 and drove over to Safeway to do the week's shopping. Bought some NATURE'S MIRACLE in the large economy size to tackle the rugs. Wuss seems better. I tried microwaving the wonder diet smells good tastes awful cat food this morning at the vet's suggestion and this seemed to trick him into taking a couple of bites, but the remainder is still in the dish. Wuss is looking thinner.

The banner photograph was taken recently on the way to work. The lady in feathers was taken at the Solano Stroll.