Edgy Day, Edgy Month
Edgy this weekend. Saturday I needed to get out of the house any way I could get. I went by the new apartment. The manager was in the hallway and suggested, when I had the DSL line connected, that I try to have it done in the morning as her husband was in the hospital and she needed to be free in the mornings. He was dying. She was not in good shape. There would be no need to let a DSL man in as there wasn't going to be a DSL man as they were now going to connect it from the office. What can you say to a woman who's husband is in the hospital dying? You listen very closely and answer as comfortingly as you know how.
I skipped shooting the anti-war parade in Dolores Park. Too much time, too much effort to get to San Francisco. I'll shoot the "How Berkeley Can You Be?" parade tomorrow and call it a weekend. As I said, edgy. Probably why I'm reading some of the old seventies texts. Edgy searching out edgy. A little more of this and I'll be playing the old lp's, the long guitar riff stuff that skits along your nerves like sandpaper, takes you back to places you maybe don't want to recall, here with my edgy head in the middle of a city full of strangers. Edgy pushing up against the edge of darkness, no need for this volunteer to cross over. Keep the lp's up on the shelves. Keep the head screwed on tight. Keep on writing.
This has been one hell of a month. I notice MSW took off for Seattle in her Jeep, saying she needed a vacation, but her eyes shouting. I wonder how many ex patriots who have settled down here in the Bay Area are now feeling the need to return home, those who still have a home? I thought about that today, feeling edgy. Edgy makes for some interesting re examination. I've always had the thought, where do I go from here? Out there somewhere? Stay here somewhere? Travel? Shoot pictures? Play at writing? The days go well, some days a little edgy, but the day to day seems OK until someone flies an airplane into a building and you realize that life has its own agenda. This can be beaten to death. The media is already over the edge. War and human suffering can be used as well as anything, I suppose, to sell newspapers, tax cuts, tits and toothpaste.
It's evening now, on Saturday. I won't have time to write an entry tomorrow, as I'm shooting pictures and then finishing that database I've been working on at the office. It is one of those avoid at all costs, find something else to do, flee in terror projects - not sure why - but I've got to get the damned thing finished. As I said, an edgy day, an edgy month. Who knows what in the hell is coming next month besides Halloween and the dark in the death of Daylight Savings.