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San Francisco Cherry Blossom parade

November 30th, 2003

I Wonder
Maybe growing up in Seattle taught me the proposition a visible sun (halleluiah!) means you go outside and enjoy it because it won't be there tomorrow, an attitude that eventually becomes a Pavlovian-like response. In California that's a quaint outlander's concept. Is that why I have this apparent need go walking when I see the sun? When I was a little kid I roamed the woods (just south of Edmonds and north of Seattle) for hours, certainly when the sun was shining, but also, come to think of it, in a drizzling rain that usually didn't penetrate the tree cover. It is raining today in Oakland, a steady you need an umbrella and rubber shoes rain and I feel comfortable vegetating inside doing the laundry, no urges to go out. Am I comfortable just sitting and staring into the distance because it's raining or is it because I'm going back to work tomorrow and my battered little psyche is in shock? Hard to say, but either way, I'm with it.

A friend mentioned she'd been to the auto show at the Moscone Center on Friday and recommended I look at the Scion, the Element competition from Toyota. I went to the web site and built one out (they have the XM Satellite Radio I've been lusting over), the total coming to something about a year's payments less than a similarly tricked out Element. Well, a smaller, bare bones Element. Let's be honest. It's smaller, but I'm assuming I'd fit inside. I'm going to take a test drive in the next couple of weeks (note the lack of specificity) and see how I like it. He said. For the umpteenth time.

You're not serious. You don't really care about any of this.

Maybe I need to deal with people more. This living inside my head leads to recursion. Do while loops. Something like that. Obsessing over minutia. I'm sitting here listening to Public Radio, which I do all the time (Filthy liberal anti-government stuff. Puts hair on your chest.), playing more Freecell than a man-child should play and talking about cars. MSW sent an email recommending I look at the Scion, but MSW doesn't fuck around. If she's over there looking for a car, she's going to buy a car, probably something expensive and exotic as befits her person. I, on the other hand, am hopeless and carless and don't seem to care. On a Sunday. Here in Oakland.

Tomorrow, back to work. Be interesting to see how goes this last month of the year. Stuff is supposed to happen in January, but I've said these things before. I don't believe I'm going to lose my job, but that's exactly the time the axe falls. I'm ready if the health holds. Well, actually, I'm ready if the health continues to improve. I'm not there yet. Still, December, a slower season in our business, many people out on vacation; maybe it will go well. I wonder.

The photograph was shot at a San Francisco Cherry Blossom parade with a Nikon F5 and 135mm f 2.0 Nikon (Nikkor) lens on Kodak TMAX 400.