Thursday. There's a Cinco de Mayo parade Sunday in San Francisco and a 150 year anniversary celebration in front of Oakland City Hall on Saturday and I believe they have Cinco de Mayo stuff planned across from the office tomorrow. I am charging batteries for the cameras. I am also sitting here wondering why my black and white exposures look so crappy, but I don't want to delve too deeply into the subject. Must be Thursday. Good. I'm alive and another week has almost passed me by.
I still smell the sweet whiff of cat pee in the apartment and I'm thinking that's a hell of a way to remember old Wuss, the last two years of his life spent wasting away peeing on the rug an indelible element in his legacy. Se le guerre, nothing to say, no hard feelings old guy.
Friday. I write about my dissatisfaction with my current job. That's a little too simple. The job itself is halfway interesting. I think the company I'm with and the industry I'm in are history, but my problem isn't so much in finding another job of the kind I'm doing now, but finding another somewhat seductive pursuit that makes my heart go thump and passes for interesting. I have five or six years to work before I retire (if I'm lucky). If I could generate a little income doing whatever I'm doing in my retirement, I could retire a lot sooner. I could retire tomorrow. Wandering down the hall today at the office (I wander down the hall a lot these days) thinking about art and life and the next step into the darkness, I realized I was toying rather happily with the idea of getting laid off with a year to put my life and my job and my rent back together.
What would I do right now if my time were my own and why not start doing it right now? Get a head start? Try things before I actually go out there cold turkey? The idea of spending six months on the road shooting pictures doesn't make much sense, hard to make it to work every morning when you're out on the road, but what would I be doing out there on the road? Shooting pictures? Posting to the journal? Writing a book? Building a web site? Chasing after (woof! woof!) the ladies? The book thing has hung in my mind for years, but I've never had the least inclination to write one. Ya gotta have ta wanna and I don't wanna.
I've written this journal for four years and that's writing of sorts, but not the same thing as writing a novel. If it were I wouldn't be doing it. The journal might find a musty place up on a library shelf one day when all this is history, but it's not going to generate income. Satisfaction I guess, but income, not likely.
So I'd be writing the journal, shooting the pictures, playing with the notion of but never following through with the writing of a book and building a web site (maybe this is true, I'm a little glib here when I say this). Which, come to think of it, is what I'm doing right now. So I guess I'm there, no need to come full circle, I've come full circle, so enjoy it while the prostate's intact and the muscles don't ache and the sun shines (mostly). So why am I not buying it?
Anyway, these were the thoughts in the hallway today. Not much happened across the street during the local little Cinco de Mayo concert at noon - cold out, you understand, overcast, a little nasty - but there's a big deal going on in Oakland on Saturday and the San Francisco Cinco de Mayo parade kicks off Sunday morning. The weekend looms with moments of interest.
Oh, yeah, and this is Friday! Whoop!