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San Francisco Chinese New Year Parade.

March 2nd, 2003

Tests On Tuesday
Saturday. I've been moan-groan-bone tired all day. Spent half of it in bed. Walked down to the Grand Lake Theater to see Chicago wondering how the walking would go. Didn't want to get on the bus in case things got out of hand and returning became more than I wanted to handle. So I walked down the way, not such a long walk, nice day for walking in the sun. Plenty of physical strength, but my insides felt like they'd shifted into an alternate reality where the force of gravity was doubled and my regular skin covered some abysmally dense mass of heavy metal. I'm not altogether sure this is good.

Are these symptoms part of the dizziness? Inner ear or otherwise? Some aspect of recovering from the operation? Some kind of infection? It's been three months and two weeks since I got out of the hospital and they say you can have a bad day at any time during those six months after. Is this what they mean? "A bad day?" Or don't they know and the doctors just watch and wait until you sort it out on your own? Bingo, he's back! Bingo, he's gone! Q.E.D. The work is crazy and hectic and I'm not the only one there who's bouncing off the walls so maybe it's the work, maybe it's the recuperation, maybe it's the inner ear, maybe it's, well, you know.... So. Saturday. Sitting here. Where else? In Oakland.

Sunday. Still dizzy, but yesterday's experience of my body turning into high gravity lead seems to have subsided, except for the back of my head which still seems to weigh ninety five pounds. A "lead head" Maybe I should start this again. Maybe I should "lighten up". (Owwww!) I don't care. I'm allowed.

I was planning to buy a television set yesterday, but opted for walking down to see a movie instead. Didn't want to drive to the local electronics outlet. I'm thinking of just ordering it online from Sony. They are, for whatever reason, selling them in competition with their dealers. I wonder what that's about? I could see them selling on line for full retail, letting the stores take the bulk of the business, but Sony seems to be going head to head with their own dealer chain. Free shipping. I'm sure it takes longer for the equipment to arrive, but so what? The difference between getting it in a couple of days and getting it in a week and a couple of days doesn't mean that much to me, does it mean that much to you?

Later. I'm impatient. The dizziness and the tiredness. Time to get along with whatever it is I have to get along with. One possibility is the dizziness is a sign of impending doom, and I think about that, but I'm going to be more upbeat from here on out and buy the damned car, whichever one it turns out to be, and do some weekend travelling just as soon as, you know, I'm less dizzy. This weekend felt like spring. I'm ready for spring. Mumble.

Later still. I took another short walk, had a cup of coffee and a peach Danish at a local cafe and picked up a copy of Digby Goes Down in which a young man has difficulties with his mother. I think I feel better. I wonder if taking a week off from work, a full week of recuperation might not make a difference? Then again, I don't know, inner ear tests on Tuesday.

The photograph was taken at the 2003 San Francisco Chinese New Year Parade.