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Here In Oakland

Art & Life


January 31, 2015

I'm Afraid

Saturday. I got involved in watching a movie I believe I've watched before on the tablet last night (remembering scenes as they evolved) until ten, getting to sleep reasonably quickly and getting up with the alarm without apparent damage. The damage, if and when it comes, generally comes later.

Anyway, another sunny morning, a trip to the usual place for breakfast, taking another picture to document the overnight four cent decline in gas prices, back to wrestle with yesterday's fragmented (what was I thinking?) entry. You know the story. I too know the story, but I seem unable not to repeat it for the umpteenth time in the mornings. Such is history. My history.

Later. I don't usually use the term “bored”, although maybe it fits the current condition. Is “bored” the same thing as a lack of ambition? Focus? Probably too much routine and the body slowing. The things I've done in the past no longer really apply in this retirement era, showing itself in my hesitancy to travel to most of the places I once went to without thinking, if only to take pictures. Or, perhaps more accurately, use the picture taking to get me outside bopping about, following this or that urge or interest as it occurred.

These aching sinuses aren't much of a help, but I suspect it's a number of things that work together to put us here. The sinuses have been acting up today and so I've taken a first and now a second dose of the pain meds to slow them down. Alcohol is a short term help, but alcohol is one of those habits of the past that no longer appeal. And it more easily screws up the day after if you let it get out of hand.

Still, it's now mid-afternoon. I walked over by the lake and then on through the farmers market earlier this morning, came back to lie down for a while before heading downtown on the bus to have a fruit cup and coffee in the City Center out in front of the bagel shop. Took but the one picture.

A walk back up Broadway to the ATM and then catch the bus the rest of the way home at Grand, going by the 7-11 look-alike for an ice cream bar. My “bored”, lack of “ambition”, whatever is was of the morning seems to be passing, but clearly whatever's going on, we're getting ever more insular.

Later still. OK, better. Just like that. Better living through chemistry? If not the pain meds, then the various hormones and such that change and get out of balance as we age? I have to admit I suspect that's more true than not. Still, heading toward evening, feeling better. Let's see what we can make of the rest of the day.

Warm and sunny out there, by the way. I have the sliding glass door open and I can hear the drummers going full tilt over at the lake. One of the few places they can let it rip without alienating their neighbors. Sounds good, background drums, sets a certain edge to the day. A good edge, but an edge as in “edgy”. Nice. Lots of people no doubt out there listening as they're walking.

I did take a picture of the solar battery charger setup. I should have run one when I mentioned it yesterday, but I've mentioned my current total lack of ambition. A not very good hand held image in a low lit room, but it gives you an idea what it looks like. I've been thinking of ways to set it up out on the balcony, see if I can't figure out how to conveniently keep it charged and ready using the solar panels instead of an electrical outlet. We'll see. As I've mentioned, the afternoon is brighter, the attitude better, but I haven't really done anything with it yet.

Evening. Clear headed, the sinuses behaving, nothing on television, some thought to go to bed early. A lack of ambition morning followed by a feel pretty good late afternoon and evening, even picked up the guitar and played. It sounded, well, it sounded like someone who needs more practice, I'm afraid.

The photo up top was taken at the #BlackLivesMatter MLK Day demonstration at 14th & Broadway in downtown Oakland with a Nikon D4s mounted with a 24-120mm f 4.0 VR Nikkor lens.