Wednesday. I didn't make it to the “event” last night in San Francisco for a number of reasons, all of which together made sense, so I'm not going to fret about it. The mood good this morning, back from breakfast (at the usual place) and the supermarket needing, as I'm always needing, various things one can eat for an afternoon meal. Nothing that involves cooking, you understand. When I was in the wine business, cooking was a critical element in the social mix, so I do know what it means to cook. And I haven't. Been cooking. Not in some time, so I have to pay attention to what I'm eating to be sure it isn't, you know, fatal from a P.C. perspective. I don't like to think of myself as all that P.C. if only on principle, but I do listen to Public radio all the time and the constant drumbeat of “eat your vegetables” is probably subverting my otherwise thoroughly wholesome existence.
And you purchased?
Baby carrots and Cheerios, non fat milk and potatoes. I forgot the pasta. It's easy, for some reason, to forget the pasta.
A long talk with Ms. C last night to see how Mr. W is doing. I haven't been to see him now in some time. He's due to return home at the end of this month, but the description of his condition is still disturbing. I hope the best for the both of them.
This business of getting older introduces you quite directly to the reality of the thing. You note the ages of people passing in the obituaries and internalize the one's who've died younger, often much younger, than you are. It isn't a particularly gruesome thing, this awareness. You don't want to become obsessive about it, but it does give you perspective and makes you aware it's up to you to make whatever life you're living a reasonably good one without too many loose ends or doubts because there are no guarantees you'll be around tomorrow. That's true for any age, of course, but it becomes more obvious with age.
What's a good life? Well, I guess that's a question whatever the age, and people will hold forth with a lot of firmly held opinions. I, for one, have never been sure. I've approached my share of lights, but I don't know that any of them were really coming from the end of the tunnel. I suspect there are many answers, some applicable to one, but not to another. So, just in case eating a few carrots and taking a daily walk will prolong whatever it is I seem to be doing here in the tunnel I'll buy the one and do the other: carrots are cheap enough and walking gets you out on a street with a camera. One day the doctor will relay unpleasant news. Let us hope you don't feel, when it comes, not that your life is over but that it never started.
Later. More futzing with this freezing at every given moment computer. It isn't a virus or a bad hard drive or software that sucks or corrupt files, so says my various diagnostic utilities. I did get it to freeze after booting with a diagnostic CD and that, since it was booting from an operating system on the CD itself and not coming off the hard drive, made me think RAM, although the various RAM diagnostic programs weren't able to come up with anything either. If it persists (I'm writing this on my laptop right now remembering what it was like to try to write it last night on the main computer) I'll dump it off at the local computer store and let them have at it. What am I upset about? I'll eat my carrots and let them fix it.
Do people need to know about your computer problems?
The last thing anyone but a techie would want to talk about. Even I, once a techie I, really don't want to deal with it anymore. But it sure filled the afternoon, it and a half hour walk in the local area around the lake to clear the head and get out of the apartment. A nice walk in what long ago became for me too familiar territory. That would be a problem if I thought unfamiliar territory would be any better. You run into the same issue with photography. When everything's too familiar you know your well springs have run dry and you need a cold shower and a hot sake. I call my general theory of photography the Cold Shower - Hot Sake Theory. I figure it's as good as any and has the added benefit, after the sake, of diverting your attention to other subjects.
And this leads to good pictures?
This leads to late mornings and impossible hangovers.