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April 1st, 2001

From the Nut House
So, I got up an hour later than normal (I wonder why), had breakfast, came home, packed the cameras and took some new color film out of the refrigerator and thought, well, I'd better leave, drive to Rockridge and take BART into the city so I can walk the few blocks to the Transamerica building and arrive at the Saint Stupid's Day parade on time, except, boy, I did not want to go, don't ask me why, so I ended up going to the bedroom and crawling into bed. I do not take this as a good sign.

Lying in bed, not quite dozing off, thinking: Why do I not want to go to the Saint Stupid's Day parade? This, just from the name, is my kind of parade, my kind of people. If I just get up and go it will be all right, so I got up and I got dressed and I picked up the cameras and went out the door and got half way down the stairs toward the garage when I thought, well, it's colder out here than I thought and it will be colder still in San Francisco, so I decided to go back and change into a heavier jacket, so I did, and then I went out the door again, running a little late, and headed for the stairs and thought, oh hell, I need to go to the bathroom, so I turned around again and went back to the apartment and went to the bathroom and then I left again feeling better and went down the stairs and got into the car throwing the camera and camera bag onto the passenger seat beside me instead of putting the camera bag in the truck as I normally would and then sat back in the driver's seat and thought: boy do I not want to go shoot this parade even though I've not shot a parade of any sort in a very long time.

So, finally, after sitting there for a while in the front seat of my car, I got out of the car and went around to open the passenger door and take the camera and the camera bag out, which is a break in my usual routine, since, as I mentioned, I usually put the camera bag in the trunk, and then I pressed down the lock and closed the passenger side door and noticed the keys were still in the ignition and I knew immediately that I was locked out of my car and out of my building and maybe out of my mind. Which I took as a further bad sign.

I had a key to my apartment in my wallet, since I'd had this happen once before, but I didn't have SF Chinese New Year parade. a key to the front door of the building, so I was forced to wait for someone else in the building to come down to the garage (the outdoor key fits the door to the garage) and finally a guy from the floor above me does come down to the garage and lets me back into the building so I am able to go up to my apartment to open the door and find my second building key on my dresser top and put it into my wallet to keep my apartment door key company and then I realize I don't have a spare key to my car. So I would have to call a locksmith. So I sat down and said: Pay attention when your mind and your body and your very being tell you, no shout at you "do not go and photograph the Saint Stupid's Day parade!" And then I settled down. And wondered.

Don't ask me what that was about. It felt exactly like that run on sentence. I stayed home and worked on a company web site, since I have a Monday deadline I've been pushing off for at least the last week. Maybe too much stress over too long a time? Maybe I need a really long vacation? Maybe I really am going nuts? Hard to say until I can one day look back with perspective. From the nut house.

The photographs were taken at the 2001 San Francisco Chinese New Year parade. The quote is by Jeanne Moreau.