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San Francisco 2003 Gay Pride Parade.

Under here.

November 4, 2008

Monday. A repeat of mistakes made in my past. I take an antacid pill every morning to counter something called acid reflux. It works, it's worked like a charm now for years, allowing me to skip an operation to correct something called a hiatal hernia. Those familiar with this journal over the years know my opinion on surgery for other than “really, really” necessary problems that can be fixed in no other way. So, having taken my Prilosec pill every morning I naturally replenished them when I ran out about a week ago, right? Right?

To cut to the chase I ran out and didn't replenish them until Sunday, thinking I'd start the routine Monday morning, my usual schedule. Silly me. I awoke in the middle of the night sweating slightly, which was odd as the temperature was cool, went to the bathroom and discovered getting off the pot that everything inside was black, black, black. Blood, in other words. Probably explained why I was so light headed.

Wobbled to the kitchen after taking a short rest from the exertions required to get to the bathroom, took an antacid pill, back to bed, up the this morning feeling dizzy, take another antacid pill, back to bed. Skip the blood pressure pill as my blood pressure was something like eighty over sixty, no need to see it go any lower.

Now I've been through this before. Not for a very long time, but there was once a time when they were looking for the source of the bleeding, I took every test imaginable. Colonoscopies? Know them by heart, found the hour or so they put you down quite restful. Been this light headed before or at least close to it too many times. So Monday (yesterday, no way to write this on Monday itself) was essentially lost. Should I have called the doctor, taken a cab for a blood test, for a fucking transfusion (something I'm not altogether unfamiliar with)?

Yes I should have (had the test, at least) and I recommend to anyone out there who experiences these symptoms pay better attention. You never know. Avoid any whacko tendencies to procrastinate. Was I aware I was being stupid, did I consider, for example, although I was pretty sure the bleeding had stopped, that I might not wake up the next morning? The thought occurred. Will I indeed wake up tomorrow? Well, we'll see soon enough, but I suspect I will or else I wouldn't be treating this quite so lightly. Famous last words by one who has never made a mistake in his entire existence.

Tuesday. The waitress thought I looked pale as I paid for breakfast this morning standing across the counter feeling dizzy. “Yes”, I replied, “I know”. Silly me. Went to bed early last night around seven, slept like a log until seven-thirty this morning, got up feeling better than yesterday, yesterday's chapter titled “stupid on my part” to go along with all of the other similarly named chapters. I'm taking it easy for the next few days, something more easily scheduled when you're retired.

The photograph was taken at the 2003 Gay Pride with a Nikon F5 mounted with a 135mm f 2.0 Nikkor lens on Ektachrome E100G and processed by New Lab in San Francisco.