|
|
My Mind Is Mush I had a doctor's appointment in Palo Alto this morning, a jaw checkup, so to speak, and the doctor said fine, come back in four months after I've had another sleep test to see if the operation was totally successful. The mouth and the jaw itself are starting to break up into little islands and ridges, one or another waking up after a long sleep and tingling/burning their way back to some semblance of normality. Not painful, but you're aware of it most of the time, a sort of dull ache, and I take a pill as often as not to get to sleep. The doctor assured me this was normal, but I realize it's going to be a lot of months before I really start feeling normal. OK. It sets the agenda, I just go along. I had no idea of what I was getting into and it's best to not think about it, just get on with it. I'm feeling a certain amount of ennui these days. Ennui in the morning, ennui at night, ennui in the bathroom all over the damned commode and the floor and the shower and the towel racks. Which, in my mind, qualifies as a certain amount. Ennui has a nice sound to it, it's not too hard to spell and it's vague enough to cover a lot of territory. Maybe it's a stand in for clinical depression. I don't think so, but it has that feeling, as if it could put you down under the covers for a forever count if someone jacked up the rheostat. Hmmm. Ennui isn't going to make a journal entry tonight. I need to go to bed and get a full night's sleep. Take one of those pills and go eight hours. And stop this. My mind is mush. |
|
|
|