Great Special Effects
Ah, yes the prayers of reporters and cartoonists everywhere
are answered on a news day devoid of oral sex or mass extermination.
It isn't clear what the Mormon church is thinking with this campaign,
but it is clear how the issues will be drawn for news consumption here
in San Francisco and the world at large. Plenty to get upset about,
plenty of lip smacking material for cartoonists and talking heads
alike. And I'm OK with that, look what I've used for my banner
I have no issue with gay marriage or domestic partnership (The story
that got my dander up in the paper today had to do with a genetically
engineered potato, classified in the U.S. as a pesticide and therefor
regulated by the EPA instead of the FDA. Mashed pesticides and gravy,
a real hit with the kids.). There are economic as well as cosmic issues
about gay marriage, I suppose, but I doubt they'll be discussed. My
company provides domestic partner benefits, has for the five years I've
been with them anyway, benefits available to "significant others", male
or female, reptilian or mammalian, chicken or duck, egg or omelette.
That's good, I think. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about working in
Oakland, having a Moonbeam for a mayor in an office across the
I know little about the Mormon church, but I've had direct
experience with Mormons as individuals and they've been good.
One, a client over the course of many years, took a big chance on
doing business with me when I was just starting out and we've remained
friends. One was a bishop in his local church and the
example he set impressed me both for his lack of proselytizing (come
on Prop, see the light) and his empathy for his employees, their
families, the community around him and one lone computer geek. I don't
believe he or his brother had more than one wife, although they could
have had some salted away in Sonoma or Vallejo and he just never
bothered to mention the fact, what with local attitudes on the subject.
I will say I'd rather have him at my back in a time of trouble than
many another good citizen I've met.
Another is a fellow worker and although he's weird (Star Wars fanatic,
Dilbert freak, hardware fetishist), he fits right into our group of
agnostic techie malcontents, so most of what I know about the Mormon
church comes from them: one on one, eye to eye, no complaints.
The problem is this "thou shalt not" shit. Makes people crazy. The gay
community here is pretty strong, most of them having fled places where
gay will get you tied to the back of a truck and dragged down the street
until you're dead. Or doused with gasoline when you were really looking for
a loaf of bread at a 7 - 11 store and just happened to meet the local cleanup
committee on a deserted street. None of it funny to recollect whenever
the call goes out to "convert to god" funded by, in this case, the
Mormon church, but with other churches to follow, of course, as this
initiative gets closer to the ballot. Plenty of fodder for cartoonists
and political wits.
How wonderful has it been for Mormons in this century and the last,
driven into the desert for, um, amongst other things, their attitudes
about marriage? I mean, shit, what do they smoke out there by
the Great Salt Lake? Were there any Mormons in Germany during the
Third Reich? If there were, are there any left? Do their bones mix in
mass graves with gays and Jews and crazies and the politically inconsistent?
Liberals? Democrats? New Age Republicans who got off the track? Or are
they buried off by themselves with the more morally correct?
OK, enough. I see the cartoon in the Examiner this morning over
breakfast and get a chuckle so I come home and go on a "don't torch gays
in the town square no more" routine when I really wanted to write
something a little lighter to go with my mood. I wind up writing
a sermon. Depressing. My button when I was younger was burning books,
generally because they were nasty and could corrupt your neighbor's kids, who,
unlike your own, actually read. Books. Like the Internet. Like the local
school system, from what I've been reading. Maybe the solution is to stop
reading, certainly my solution for today is to stop writing. About it.
Well, my mood has changed altogether and I'm thinking it would
have been better to write something about gene spliced potatoes now
registered as pesticides with the federal government and therefor
regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) instead of
the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). In Europe they call it
"Frankenfood". I'll wait for the movie. Should have great special effects.