Was I Thinking
Tuesday. A clear morning, but the rain was just starting as I got home from work. There's still a weird assed quality to the office. It's as if I'm there, but not there. Work is getting done, damned boring if you're not engaged, but I've been shuffling between my desk and the lab doing the necessary whatevers like a ghost passing, saying hello (I know most of the people in the building, although we've had unfamiliar people from half the out sourcing firms on the planet in the office now for months and months), but basically passing like a puff of wind lost in its thoughts, a ghost in the machine who nods and says hello as he passes.
Are they experiencing a similar sensation? Hard to say. Not necessarily the best move to ask your coworkers if they feel like ghosts, like puffs of wind. Makes them nervous. Not too good to be too creative in your communication with the workaday world: “ghosts”, “puffs”.
Still, two days into the week, same old stuff. I'm wrestling with this studio session I have coming up in another week. What am I looking for, how to plan it, how to communicate to the model an idea of what I'm trying to produce? What am I trying to produce? I know it will go well, but this time it's up to me and I'm having trouble focusing. I have time. It'll work out.
You say that.
I repeat it. I read something about positive reinforcement once, something about telling yourself you're a swell fellow. “I'm a swell fellow.”
Wednesday. Some computer and camera accessories arrived and I am looking at them sitting beside me on the desk. What was I thinking?