Wednesday. Lights out at nine-thirty to awaken at six-fifteen. Well, there was a brief period when I awoke at five forty-five, but blinked once and it was suddenly six-fifteen, so six-fifteen.

A walk to breakfast, colder and so the eyes watering on the way, to have the oatmeal, toast, fruit cup and coffee for breakfast. Took my time over the papers and left at the usual time to head home, the sun bright, the pandorea flower still in evidence and two people packing a car with flowers in front of the flower shop this Valentines Day.

Later. Checked the various Law & Order episodes that run on Wednesdays, didn't find any I hadn't seen before with no need to see any of them again and so whiling the time away with the usual web sites on the computer. The local television news programs were broadcasting the situation at the Florida high school, another in what seems another never ending line of shots fired/kids hurt incident. We'll look at it in the papers tomorrow when more is known. Depressing crap.

Later still. They're saying seventeen people were killed at that Florida high school with another fourteen wounded, the shooter a nineteen year old kid who'd been recently expelled from the school. Nineteen. I was dumb at nineteen, but I can't really get my head around the idea of being that dumb. Or miserable. Or crazy. One reason to not even think about fighting back should I ever again have a camera or anything else stolen on the street. People are crazy, more so the youngsters, but it's the youngsters who do most of the piddly (dumb, miserable, crazy) sidewalk shit.

You do go on and on about that camera theft. How long has it been now?

It's made me sensitive to the various ways I've reacted to it, more as if the body has had a reaction than the mind. It is the mind, but a non-analytic part of the mind, more a set of feelings than anything else. You can't use logic to make it go away, it only reacts to time. Again, makes me feel for people who've really had nasty things happen to them, soldiers who come home with PSTD is the thing you hear in the news all the time, but have trouble understanding if you haven't had a whiff of it yourself. A whiff is more than enough.

And so?

It evaporates slowly over time and lately I've been thinking it's been easing up on mine. Knock on wood. Maybe we'll stick our nose out the door again one of these days.

Evening. An episode of Midsomer Murders I've seen before and didn't need to see again. Maybe watch the New Tricks that follows, but in order to know I'd have to wait up and see. Thus the decision to go to bed, I'm afraid.