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Under Construction
San Francisco Gay Pride Parade

December 19th, 2003

Trust My Judgement
Things got out of hand at the office and my plan to take BART to San Francisco and have drinks and dinner with friends went awry. Yes, awry. It was raining hard when I left the doctor's office just after three and although I drove toward BART with good intentions, I thought, well, my apartment is just off to the left. I could drop by the ersatz 7 - 11 and pick up a sandwich, since I'd missed lunch (things having gotten out of hand at the office) and that thought, the heater in the car turned comfortably up, the reality of rain on the windshield, the thought of rain in San Francisco, led me home. Hello home.

Hello wuss.

Well, yes, here I am listening to the news (with the heater on).

The agreement with Libya sounds pretty good (listening to the news with the heater on). Of course they don't mention the negotiation that led to it. Did we threaten to land the Marines? Would we have landed the Marines? Still, picky, picky. Not all news can be bad news out of this administration, now, can it? Well, yeah, but I'm a negative doubter. Three cheers. I'm with Dean, however, in his statement we're no safer for the elimination of S. Hussein than we were when he was in power. Too many nasty people with too much money were cut loose when we invaded a place where really bad weapons can be had for cash in hand. Hussein was captured with a $750,000 stash of hundred dollar bills. Pocket money, one assumes, useful when he wanted a pizza delivered. What else did he want?

The ruling Iraqi's under Hussein had no motivation to finance al Qaeda, they had too much to lose from US retaliation. Why fuck up a good thing by financing the activities of an organization that had you right behind the United States on their hit list? Now, of course, out of power and on the run with millions, some say billions, why not seriously fuck with the people who brought you down? That's what I meant by "bet the rent" when we invaded. We've bet the rent we haven't created a terrorist engine where one didn't exist and those dice are still bouncing on the table. That's a rub.

I'm not sure why I wrote that. I've gotten so negative at work I see every initiative as a way for management to cover their ass with headquarters rather than an attempt to make the company more productive. That's not good. That ultimately makes me an employee the company doesn't need. I'm not alone in these thoughts, but they're similar to the thoughts I have about Bush and the neo-cons. Incompetent, on the take and self righteous. Competence would make me feel better and maybe Libya is a sign of competence. It doesn't matter if he's your President or my President, if he fucks it up we all pay the price. Whether we should have invaded Iraq or not is moot. We're there. We have to make it work. So I'll swallow my bile (if I can, if I can) and wish Mr. Bush luck. Any old luck. Smart luck. Dumb luck. Our luck. And at the office I'll get off my ass and do the things required to find another job, not because the company I go to will be any better, but I will do better (for me and thee) and get on with the job.

Then again, maybe I'm growing old at the right time (having just listened to the news clip about al Qaeda promising season's greetings to New York, Washington and L.A.). Better to go boom in your sixties than your twenties. Or your teens. The visit to the doctor today. They say OK. God, so far, seems on my side. There are studio lights in my house. Ms. Emmy isn't throwing up (as often) on the rugs. I have this problem with my place of employment, but my paycheck doesn't bounce and the medical bills haven't burned down the house. This is good. Good is good. I know. I've done it both ways and money will get you through times of no money better than no money will get you through times of no money, every time. Really. Trust my judgement.

The photograph was taken at the San Francisco Gay Pride parade with a Nikon F5 and 135mm f 2.0 Nikon (Nikkor) lens on Kodak TMAX 400.