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My house

December 14th, 2001

Cool and Bright
There are biopsy "after effects". The doctor didn't say anything, of course, but we didn't find anything on the first attempt and with this, the second, I have no doubt he was determined to find it come hell or high water. Reflects on his competence, you understand, not finding it that first time. (The assumption is I've got it - my assumption, his assumption - but he says 50 - 50 when he doesn't really mean it. The problem is if it isn't It, then what? The alternatives seem unlikely.)

So he popped samples until I spaced out and lost count. More than the first session, and, after doing some reading on the web, I learned in that first session he took a lot. So today I've been peeing red. Not just some panty waist red, you understand, some pale approximation of the real thing, but red, blood red, like a boxer who's been pounded for fifteen rounds, like a man on a pan in a hospital bed. No more soreness, though, the night's sleep took care of that. I've been coddling myself. Lunch in San Francisco with friends. It's Christmas. Celebrate.

The photograph on top was taken with the camera on a tripod using a wide angle lens, books against the back wall, records and stereo setup to the right, those are packing boxes folded flat beside the stereo cabinet and as yet unpacked boxes stacked to the right. There's a TV, a window and sliding doors to the balcony off camera to the right and behind the camera is my computer area with printers and tables and servers and a light box. Nice. More than nice.

Friday, early afternoon as I write. We had our company Christmas party across from the office atOakland City Center the Oakland convention center hotel, a buffet dinner leaving the office just before noon: eat, drink (two drinks), go home. Lots of people, all essentially strangers. I should pay attention to this. Not good to spend seven years at a company and feel you're a stranger in their midst. I need to change my ways or change my job and I don't seem to be able to do either. I recall performing the same ritual last year, two beers, sliced pineapple, cheese and crackers, home by one. My horoscope this morning read: "PISCES - (Feb 18 - March 19: The solar eclipse brings matters to a head. Pieces won't settle easily into place. This forces you to make more fundamental changes." More fundamental changes. Right.

I should, I think, go out and do something. It rained like crazy last night, but the morning was clear and right now the sun is shining cool and bright.

The photographs were taken at a ribs place in Oakland.