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Under Construction
A sidewalk mail box in Oakland

April 10th, 2006

To Go Around
Sunday. Now and then I have a dream where I find myself realizing I've left the camera somewhere and that it's gone, although I'm eventually able to get myself to backtrack and do whatever dream things one does to try to undo what's already been done. I carry a camera and I could inadvertently leave it somewhere, that's a given at whatever age or stage of sobriety, but I think the underlying message is deeper and more fundamentally distressing. My assumption is the “lose the camera” dream is more about losing my memory with age than losing any physical object. Am I losing my memory? On the way to Alzheimer's? I don't think any more so than anyone else at my age; I think these fears come with the territory, but you wonder. I wonder. A form of losing control where the outside world slowly or not so slowly blurs and you fall into a kind of dream? Not good to fall into a kind of a dream - well, at least, a kind of a fuzzy dream - here in the middle of the apartment, let alone out there on the street. Bad enough to dream disturbing dreams about losing your camera.

Or your marbles.

Just remember we're in this together.

So, today: finish the taxes. Moan.

Later. They say we're due for four inches of rain over the next few days and they're worried about the levies near Sacramento. Where have I heard that before? There has been much talk about the Sacramento levies since New Orleans, some jabbering in the papers even before when no one was paying attention. I can tell a thunder storm is approaching this evening from the static in the radio and the wireless phone. Here in Oakland.

Monday. Nothing unusual in the sinuses, one area somewhat “opaque” indicating an infection, but not “opaque” enough, evidently, to be causing my distress. Still, a prescription for an antibiotic, just in case. (The pharmacist was surprised at the drug and the dose and had to special order it to arrive tomorrow.) Later this afternoon the dentist filled three corrupted fillings. I had hopes - high hopes, slim hopes, nonsense hopes, I don't care - they might be causing the problem. Who knows? Travelling to the dentist's I passed the Tokyo Fish Market, pulled over and bought a large bottle of Demon Killer sake. I've been calling it “Double Demon” because the red demon on the label has two sets of eyes, but evidently it's called “Demon Killer” so ”Demon Killer” it is. Preparation in case the antibiotics and the now filled cavities don't fix the problem. It comes in a big bottle, this Demon Killer. Plenty to go around.

The photograph was taken in Oakland with a Nikon D2x mounted with a 17-55mm 2.8 Nikkor lens at 1/400th second, f 4.5, ISO 100.